May 2, 2008

Glamour by LBD

By Laura Beth DeHority
Special to the Times

Editor’s Note: Laura Beth DeHority will be writing this column each month to let our readers know what it’s like to be a Willow Glen mom in today’s crazy world, but also how to help ourselves work more efficiently—or find time for ourselves.

“In the event that the cabin loses pressure, give yourself oxygen first.”

I recently read that the time that you have to give yourself oxygen before losing the ability to do so is less than 20 seconds but the time before a child will have permanent damage is nearly two minutes. Wow! In my life, I could give myself oxygen and run a couple of errands before my kids would even notice! Seriously, there are some Mondays that feel that way.

A few years back, I left the deadline-driven world of public relations to spend more time with my family and start a business helping women to find their personal style. How I ended up as busy as ever is a product of who I am and the times we live in. My circumstances have not changed that much but how I have chosen to deal with it is the oxygen that I give myself throughout the day.

Ours lives are hectic for a wide variety of reasons. The other morning, it was quiet and then suddenly, it happened. With the precision of a finely tuned instrument, the house phone and the mobile started ringing, the dogs went wild because the neighbor was walking their dog and the dishwasher bell announced that the cycle was finished.

Are you kidding me? What do I answer first? Of course, the person at the door was the one calling my cell phone and wondered why I didn’t answer either immediately. “I thought you’d forgotten our appointment,” she said sweetly…. How is it that the more we add convenience, the more complex things become?

There is nothing more like time warp than when my mother is on the phone and one kid interrupts me to tell me that the other kid just lit the dog on fire! The scariest thing about that is when I respond to the kids, I sound just like my mother. So what end of the phone am I on, anyway?

There are days when I realize at 4 in the afternoon that I have been running around like crazy all day and accomplished Z-E-R-O! Forget about the fact that the laundry is overflowing and I have a presentation to prepare and a blog to write! One of my friends says, “Blessed are those who run in circles for they shall be called hamsters….”

The other thing that fascinates me with children is the assumptions that kids make by what you don’t say. For example, just because I never told my kids and their friends NOT to jump on the pogo stick in the swimming pool, it is not OK!

An ongoing dialogue I have with my kids is that there is a point when it is time to step away from your favorite sweatshirt. I will get it washed but it is better to leave it in the laundry when it is practically ready to walk on its own.

And shall we get started on my favorite topic of nutrition? While a little fast food every now and then is perfectly fine, chicken nuggets and French fries with ketchup are not the same as broiled chicken and green vegetables as a “health food.” And my favorite--processed sugar and red dye--is not a food group, although I know some people, including the editor of this paper will disagree.

I cannot remember a time in my life where I have stepped on or fallen over more things….shoes, backpacks, Legos and various little plastic toys. My kitchen floor is a minefield. I still do not understand why it is easier to throw it on the floor than set it on a shelf or in a bin or in a drawer. Can’t find something in our house? Check the floor first!

My best oxygen is laughter because it is always with me. Making time for meaningful relationships is another. Establishing personal boundaries is something that I have learned to do, so I have something to give back to others. Exercise and healthier eating choices, rather than finishing my kids’ mac and cheese are important too, although sometimes it’s so much easier.

So, how do I work in time for taking care of myself? Like everything else in this crazy life—I make it a priority and schedule it in. If I can plan it with a friend so that I am accountable to someone else, all the better.

How does my family buy into this new idea? I simply train them slowly and patiently. I started slowly so they didn’t even notice. They do notice when I am happier and more efficient because like all precision instruments, I need a little down time to run efficiently at maximum capacity.

The beautiful thing is that now there are lots of convenient ways to take care of myself. While in the grocery store loading up on family essentials, I consider putting something in the cart just for me…a candle, favorite tea or great book or magazine.

Again, the most important thing is to carve out a few minutes each day just for me. I like to take a few minutes to read, exercise or phone a friend. Some days 30 minutes seems like too much, so I will just work in 10 or 15 minutes that day. I also make it convenient. For example, I have set a weekly appointment to have coffee with two very special friends at the coffee shop by school right after drop-off. I am always amazed not only by how much better I feel, but how much more I am able to accomplish because I had a little break!

So, go ahead. Give yourself oxygen first. Those around you will be glad you did!

Other than Jack and Charlie’s mom, Kerry’s wife, and Pat’s daughter, Laura Beth DeHority is the owner of GlamourByLBD. Check out her daily blog at her Web site, http://www.glamourbylbd.com.